Moige Tours and Travel

For all of you who love to travel and enjoy life's pleasures in the wilderness or the beach, please visit www.moigetravels.com for more information. I have used these travel agents before and they are very professional. For excursions, car hire or whatever you might want in a safari, you will find it at Moige Tours and Travel. Enjoy.

THE UNEXPECTED VISITOR

Okay, i know that this has got nothing to do with anything, but i just feel like i have to share this tormenting experience i had last night. Am usually a very jumpy person, i am one of those people who will jump out of my seat and scream out loud if anything brushed the hairs on the back of my neck. I naturally detest things that crawl or fly, am scared of them and they give me a weird feeling of helplessness. Whether they are bugs, snakes or any animal that crawls or flies, with the exception of birds of course, they are adorable.
Last night i waz watching the latest celebrity apprentice and munching on a piece of chicken then i thought i should visit the loo. I don't know how it happened that a huge grasshopper got into my bathroom, am clueless considering the windows were closed. I know you think it was a cute baby grasshopper, no sweety, it waz humongous, the size of a bird, you could clearly see it's eyes, it was ugly i cannot stress that enough, black spots and it made me quiver. So after doing the deed i lean over the sink to wash my hands and at this perfect moment the grasshopper decides to fly around the bathroom in a rage. Aside from that time a huge cockroach landed on my sheets, this was a petrifying moment for me. I understand that it's cold and animals just fly in through human beings' doors for warmth, but could you maybe hide when you do so i don't have to see you and freak out? So after managing to run out the bathroom in a scare, the animal lands on the towel that i was just about to wipe my hands with, i was so scared i managed to squeeze in a little girls' scream, i couldn't go back in so i just left the door open, turned off the lights and went to bed, hoping that come morning it would have gotten tired and found it's way of out my dwellings. I was so wrong.
So in the morning i make my way to take a bath and guess who is still lurking on th door of my bathroom? yes the ugly grasshopper, i was starting to think it was a sign from God that am gonna get a visitor or something, so still scared, i decided to splash some water on it hoping it would scare away, it didn't, one lesson, if a grasshopper is seemingly asleep, there's nothing you can do to wake it up, the only thing would be to wait it out, or kill it. Being as huge as it was, i couldn't think of how i could kill such a creature that was mounting on my door, it seemed so perfectly created but looked scary to me, like it would bite me the first chance it gets, let's face it, animals are not our "friends", things change rapidly when you appear threatening to them, so killing it was out of the question, could imagine it's fluids spreading out on my door and my face and all over my clothes, i couldn't do it. So i rushed into the bathroom lest it throws a fit like last night again, i needed to get to work fast coz i was running outta time. so as i turned to lock my door i saw it outside on my wall, stretching out it's legs and wings like it had clearly woken up from a slumber. I only see this in horror movies, but this morning i was the one trying to lock my door and couldn't get a grip on my keys well enough to get my door locked. I was in a lotta hurry in praying that this grasshopper doesn't come to work with me too. But i left it on my wall, i don't know if am going to find it at the same spot i left it this morning, but i hope to God i won't, coz if i do, am calling in the big guns, which is my gate keeper.

Morning God

I need to start this chapter by admitting that i have negleted my readers for the past few weeks, for that i apologise and i ask that we please move on and not dwell on it much. You might be asking yourselves if i have been getting busy, we all know what kinda "busy" we are talking about here. The answer is natta, zero, nothing, no, nop, i don't know whta you are talkin' about. I just didnt have have anything on my mind to blog about, sue me.

Okay, so we all have those nights when the alarm goes off and we curse, threaten to break the alarm clock against a wall, wishing we didn't have to wake up, for me, it's not because i still wanna enjoy my sleep, i get frustrated when the alarm turns into a noisy bitch right in the middle of a romantic dream when you are running right into the arms of that fine man you only dream of, that is the moment you see my crazy when i start hitting the clock with a pillow, then i ask God why he just had to do that, like really God? It's bad enough you denied me the chance of a a perfectly good man in real life, you deny me one in my dreams too?

Then the next night you get another dream that you are rich and you are dwelling in money, this is the time that am broke and i have to bite my nails because i can't afford food. In the morning the "bitch" goes off on me and i wake up in my bed when i had just been dreaming about dining with Beyonce and Jay Z, am like really God, you couldn't just let me have this one? hold on to the time for a few before releasing it, just let me eat something? these are my special crazy morning moments with God,,, nothing can change that.

I know that all these don't have a thing to do with me or you being single but i hope you get the point. Sometimes i wanna go to bed and never wake up, simply because my dreams are cozier than my real life. I don't wanna be dead so shut your mouth, i just don't wanna log off from that dream.

MUMMY!

Sometimes i lay on my bed deep in the night engrossed in deep thoughts, it's not about what i wanna wear to work the next day or how much i should send my mum this end month, no, i think about a companion, like how it would feel like to have someone lie there next to me, would i be bored and so grossed out by their snorring ad wanna shoot myself, or would i love it, the warm body next to me, the feeling of security from a man i trust and love? Sometimes i try to picture how my soulmate is like, wherever he is, snorting coke, on top of another woman, fishing, running, 6 foot under, wherever. He would be tall, handsome, charming, loving, generous, respectful, but let's face it, he's probably some egotistical jerk who has no respect for anyone else, is selfish and irresponsible, why would i be in a hurry to meet this asshole, please God, take your time, make him crawl if you can, i could be old with my eyesight and hearing aid lost when he gets here so i don't have to deal with the fella, i mean what is he gonna do, right?

Time flies, my age would tell you that, a few more months and al be climbing up the ladder into the limelight of the womanhood. My mum doesn't tell me, but i know she thinks, 'why isn't my daughter meeting anyone or getting married, is there something wrong with her?' Just the other day she called me telling me that my cousin was pregnant and had met someone already, i was like 'oh good for her, let's see how that goes'. Well i have got news for you mummy, i meet a lot of people, they just dont have what i want, yes and she would also tell me that my being picky will eventually leave me lonely and alone as i grow old, thinking she might be right on that one. But i get bored fast, and when i do, i run, or i just stop picking your calls and returning your texts, so i have to make sure that when i meet this dude, he's someone am immensely attracted to and won't get bored with him faster than lightning, that's just it. I do not like pressure am not a fan, and al never be. It's pressure from family and friends that make us think irrationally, it makes you marry the wrong guy just because he's convenient enough, it makes you get pregnant when you are not ready with some womaniser you feel nothing for, then afterwards it turns you into a bitter, selfish and a bad mother. So yes, i will wait, no matter how long it takes, when he gets here, i will know, and so will you, assuming we'll still be friends, and assuming that's what we are now... Happy Singlehood.

Men Do Not Like Skinny Women | MensVanity.com

Men Do Not Like Skinny Women | MensVanity.com

ALEX!

At many a times my singlehood is threatened. It doesnt matter how because i know that's what you are asking, whenever you meet someone new your fear is that you are going to loose your your freedom, freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want. In the singlehood state it is mandatory to be social, if you wanna meet someone interesting that is, go out with friends, drink, eat, dance, get loose...but not to loose. Go for a book club or a cooking class, p.s, if you meet a guy in the latter, he's a keeper, assuming he's not gay, or you know, do whatever it is that puts a smile on your face. Of course i wouldnt be preaching without trying any of these methods, let's be clear, am not looking, and i wasn't looking, it's more about having fun and seeing if i still "got it".I decide to get a membership at a particular Gym close to home, to tone the abs, let's just assume that i have them. Lately i have been diving in the bottle a lot and i have realised that there's an alien growing in my belly that needs to extracted.This particular evening after work i head to the Gym, anxious and excited, it's been a while since i worked out despite the fact that i have the perfect body...um-um! But that's besides the point. A lotta women are scared of lifting weights, apparently coz they don't wanna look too much like a dude, so they go for aerobics instead. Personally, i think it doesn't hurt to try both of these. So i head on for the aerobics class, after which my instructor advises that if i wanna loose the alien, i have to do crunches, sit-ups and other sorts of exercises, cant remember what they are called. My instructor (Alex) is what some of you might call buff or whatever one word terminologies there are for dark, handsome, tall and well-built males.Yes, he is appealing to the eye, but am not about to go there, i don't pounce on everything that moves, am not a beast! Not only is Alex interesting, he's also interested in me. Not every gym instructor looks at you suggestively with sexy ass eyes and touches you tenderly, "this is not good" i say to myself. I don't know about all of you, but there are just some things that you have to try really hard not to do, like locking lips with a sexy dude who has hard rock abs, wants you so badly and vice versa. At the end of my gym session, i can't help but smile, i always got it, Thank you Alex for being my test subject, in a way. Caution: DO NOT TRY THIS IN THE GYM OR IN THE OFFICE, THIS IS ONLY FOR THE STRONG HEARTED AND THOSE THAT CAN HOLD IT IN.

PINEAPPLES! PART 1.

Wow, can't believe am telling you this but i just saw the two most cutest dudes i have seen in a long time, yes am an ogler, i ogle a lot when i see something nice, it's my weakness, sue me. That being besides the point, when you meet a man who seems to have it all you take a step back and think that either there must be something really off with this guy or simple, God is trynna punk you. The first thing i ask this guy is whether he is married, he says he aint, divorced? he says kinda, ummm...separated? that he is, two kids. Now, am not gonna discriminate against a man who seems to be nice, respects me and is well endowed with nice things that a girl likes, he could be my ticket to a happy relationship, he's doesn't look old and rugged, so what the hell. I say yes to his invitation to go out on a date. On this particular evening i am nervous as hell, excited, anxious, i just met this guy who seems to like me so much, or a little too much, i mean he could be one of those crazies, those guys who get obsessed and start needing you too much. I realize wow, am actually going on a date, yes it'd been quite a while i waz starting to feel a little old, i don't know what to wear so i rush to the mtumba market to look for a little dress, yer i know what you are thinking, cheap girl, but, whatever. So after a while i find a really cute dress that i know this man will like me in. I rush on back home to shower, he gets to my house right on time to pick me up. He is looking well, emmm..good, smells good and so do i, so far so good, i tell myself. Now, this is where a some things get confusing. I like a man who's romantic, wants to kiss when we are out and holds my hand, it shows that he is happy to be with me and honestly, i make him look good too. But when a man comes on too aggressive, it turns me off, i don't like it, 'pineapples!' Could you please give me a little space or do i have to buy it? It is only our first date and already you cannot stop fondling my hands, you wanna kiss me every single moment and am thinking wow, this dude is crazy, am out with a crazy person, what am i doing? So i think to myself, okay let me give him a chance, after all i have nothing to lose. Now, this guy is one of those people who can talk you to death, and even when you are six feet under you could still hear him talk, they will keep poking you to get your attention. It's not even halfway into the date and am already bored and i wanna gorge my eyes out of their socket. Eventually after dinner, we head on to part two of the date which is dancing, and am so relieved that the club is so loud and we don't have to talk. It's 2 in the morning and as he drops me home he reaches out again to kiss me, "ah...uh uh...don't be too aggressive", i say to him. I know am too picky, i know that little things turn me off and that's probably why am single. Am not looking for Will Smith, but could he at least be his twin Kenyan brother?

SALT ON WOUND

Today is just one of those days that you say "i hate life, i hate the world" because of one small tragic thing, when you usually love life. When was the last time you cried, got a teary eye, weeped, shed tears, whether crocodile or real? That question is not meant for dudes coz i know what you are gonna say, "Never...a man is not supposed to cry bla bla bla..."! It's been a while since i cried or got a teary eye, but not on this day, i had to let it out. Well, when your boss yells at you or bashes you for being constantly late to work, you ask yourself, "Why me, God why are you doing this to me?", well it's really your fault that all this is happening in the first place. On top of all this, you are dead broke and wishes to ask for an advance from your salary, you are late coming to work and then you get bashed, you feel unfortunate and now there's no way you are going to ask for an advance without feeling stupid. You can't help but to rush to the bathroom and sob away your frustrations, you come back to your desk and one of your workmates shouts out to you, "why are you crying?", really? as if it was necessary that everyone hears that. On this same day after work you are walking to the bus stop on your way home, you are struggling with a strand of hair from your weave that is hanging on your face and is constantly poking your left eye and you just can't seem to get it off. "Man was made in the form of God", a lotta people say that, and i don't refute that for a second, but i think that after God made us, the devil came and completely transformed some of us into his very own image. A strange man comes from behind you and insists that you walk with him, scrap that, practically persists that you walk with him, and it's not like he's Denzel Washington or Will Smith, it's one of those guys who are usually hittting on you and you wish they were Denzel or Will. So here you are struggling to get that strand of weave away from your eyeball, a stranger is harrassing you on the road even after literally telling him to fuck off, and just when you think, wow, this day couldn't get any worse, a really handsome man is approaching and you don't wanna look stupid or like the world is against you, all you can afford to do at this moment is to smile as if you were not having some of the worst moments of your life. You pray to God that he gets you home safely, and that your shoe strap that looks a bit loose doesn't come out while you are walking, to add salt onto this bit of wound, you have a flu and a runny nose, with red eyes. Happy February!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

It's morning and am standing at the bus stop waiting for a matatu, it's hard  for me not to notice men most of the times, "macho hayana pasia"...someone somewhere once said that! This particular man's ass puts mine to shame, am thinkin' whoa! that's some ass for a man to have, i mean hehehe... ok that's not the point let's not get carried away here. It's the single gal's dreaded enemy and on this particular day you kinda wish you had neither ears nor eyes, VALENTINES DAY! I don't want anyone thinkin' am desperate and in need of some love, na-ah, that's not even close to it, but am sitting in the office, "nding nding...hey beautiful..you've gotta a text message", yer that's my phone's ringtone, i receive a text from Rosa, one of my sweet galfriends wishing me a happy valentines day, lol...could you be any more ironic? no offense Rosa honey. Now am wishing that maybe, just maybe, a secret admirer would send me flowers from the florist who's just around the corner, well, doesn't have to be a secret admirer, anyone. I don't know if sometimes men are just not thoughtful, ignorant, shy, or scared, i have no idea what goes on in that thing called the mind. Am not a huge fun of flowers but if you brought me white roses/lillies (hint hint), i won't be able to resist, i might even plant a deep one on your lips, if you are my type that is! But am not sweatin' it, i know that come evening am gonna go back home to my little palace, pour me that box of wine that i bought last week, cook some good food and soak myself in a comedy series, then am gonna wake up the next morning and forget that this day ever existed.

PANTIES AND HIPSTERS!

So am driving to work this mornin'... Ok lemme not give you the wrong impression, my dream car is still in Germany in the factory, or, wherever they make cars, it's gonna be here in two years or so, lemme not lie. Am driving in a matatu and i see some purple flowers tied all over a few saloon cars and we all know what that means-WEDDING! Am thinkin" to myself, "lucky bastards"! or unlucky, i don know what to think about weddings these days. Not very long ago i waz thinkin' that i would like to make an entrance into my marriage with style, so my wedding would all be assembled with white, white roses/lillies on black BMWs, seeing as these are my fav colours+my fav car so makes complete sense, white suit on the husband to be and the bridegrooms/bridesmaids. Well, am starting to rethink all of these, i mean who am i gonna get married to, myself? that'd be lonely come to think of it, i can literally hear the pastor saying "Singledome, do you take Singledome to be your lawfully wedded husband...yu may kiss the bride"!...Yer, i know, bonkers. Am happy for everyone who decides to settle down in style, i think it makes you wanna work on your marriage a lot harder knowing the amount of time and energy you put into it, meaning financially, compared to you just movin' in with a guy that you haven't built anything together with. He might decide to kick you out anytime, when he meets a much hotter thing than you, you know assuming he's that thick... and you will leave empty handed just like you came because you have not invested anything material in that relationship, and you, if he starts being a bastard and you get tired of his ass you could always just pack your two panties and hipsters and get to steppin', what's he gonna do right? Kudos to bastards who still have faith in weddings and marriage, you are a single gal's last hope.

Strangers Say Hello Too!

Ok, so this mornin' am walking to the office you know, the usual, and a car passes me by, i must say it waz a silver,...or brownish...am not good with certain colours so let's go with either. NOTE: We are goin the opposite directions. The driver waves at me and i mean, i don't wanna be rude and everything so i wave back. then a few blocks down the road i see him again, yer he turned back, who wouldn't? and he stops the car and outta curiosity i stop to say hi. "I see you on this road every morning on my way to work, how are you and what's your name", dude says. Yer so again, am being nice here, i make small talk i mean, i can spare two minutes for a total stranger. He asks for my card and lets face it, when someone (anyone) for that matter, asks for your business card you don't say NO, that's bad for business.

It's lunch time and he calls, like i knew he would. Ring ring ring...hello...Let me save you the boredome. So i ask him if he's married and he says he is, "Well that didn't come as a surprise...considering the look he had, that of a married man", i think to myself. and i say to him "am sorry we have no business talking if you are married, whatever it is you want from me is not gonna go well? i tell him. He goes on n on n on n i say wow! i have to record this conversation this is gonna be hilarious. Wish i could upload it for you dammit! Anyway, th dude that i don't even know the name to, tells me that he knows we are strangers but strangers can say hello too, n am like sure, just don't make it a habit and i hang up...yer i finally decided to be rude.

He hasn't called again, and am eager to hear what he's gonna say when he does...lol...can you guess?

WHO AM I SPEAKING TO?

So am single, broke up with my "boyfriend" a couple of weeks ago, why? because i needed to see if i could be independent and strong on my own, will tell you how that goes in due time. I meet another dude through a certain social network (incognito), seems charming and sweet, but we all know how these kinda stories go, "met up for drinks, shagged, then moved on". Well i wish. Dude stops callin, not that he used to be much of a caller before anyway, texted much. I send him one last text to determine my future, you know, if i should move on to other prospectives or give him time...time which i have apparently coz am single...he doesn't reply and i do the deed that has never been a problem with me. Early mornin, i delete his cell from my contacts, therefore am not tempted to call him and sounding like am really interested in some strange man i haven't met in person yet. Moving on, so when he calls, the question would be... "Am sorry, who am i speaking to?"
Guess how that conversation is gonna go...