THE UNEXPECTED VISITOR

Okay, i know that this has got nothing to do with anything, but i just feel like i have to share this tormenting experience i had last night. Am usually a very jumpy person, i am one of those people who will jump out of my seat and scream out loud if anything brushed the hairs on the back of my neck. I naturally detest things that crawl or fly, am scared of them and they give me a weird feeling of helplessness. Whether they are bugs, snakes or any animal that crawls or flies, with the exception of birds of course, they are adorable.
Last night i waz watching the latest celebrity apprentice and munching on a piece of chicken then i thought i should visit the loo. I don't know how it happened that a huge grasshopper got into my bathroom, am clueless considering the windows were closed. I know you think it was a cute baby grasshopper, no sweety, it waz humongous, the size of a bird, you could clearly see it's eyes, it was ugly i cannot stress that enough, black spots and it made me quiver. So after doing the deed i lean over the sink to wash my hands and at this perfect moment the grasshopper decides to fly around the bathroom in a rage. Aside from that time a huge cockroach landed on my sheets, this was a petrifying moment for me. I understand that it's cold and animals just fly in through human beings' doors for warmth, but could you maybe hide when you do so i don't have to see you and freak out? So after managing to run out the bathroom in a scare, the animal lands on the towel that i was just about to wipe my hands with, i was so scared i managed to squeeze in a little girls' scream, i couldn't go back in so i just left the door open, turned off the lights and went to bed, hoping that come morning it would have gotten tired and found it's way of out my dwellings. I was so wrong.
So in the morning i make my way to take a bath and guess who is still lurking on th door of my bathroom? yes the ugly grasshopper, i was starting to think it was a sign from God that am gonna get a visitor or something, so still scared, i decided to splash some water on it hoping it would scare away, it didn't, one lesson, if a grasshopper is seemingly asleep, there's nothing you can do to wake it up, the only thing would be to wait it out, or kill it. Being as huge as it was, i couldn't think of how i could kill such a creature that was mounting on my door, it seemed so perfectly created but looked scary to me, like it would bite me the first chance it gets, let's face it, animals are not our "friends", things change rapidly when you appear threatening to them, so killing it was out of the question, could imagine it's fluids spreading out on my door and my face and all over my clothes, i couldn't do it. So i rushed into the bathroom lest it throws a fit like last night again, i needed to get to work fast coz i was running outta time. so as i turned to lock my door i saw it outside on my wall, stretching out it's legs and wings like it had clearly woken up from a slumber. I only see this in horror movies, but this morning i was the one trying to lock my door and couldn't get a grip on my keys well enough to get my door locked. I was in a lotta hurry in praying that this grasshopper doesn't come to work with me too. But i left it on my wall, i don't know if am going to find it at the same spot i left it this morning, but i hope to God i won't, coz if i do, am calling in the big guns, which is my gate keeper.

Morning God

I need to start this chapter by admitting that i have negleted my readers for the past few weeks, for that i apologise and i ask that we please move on and not dwell on it much. You might be asking yourselves if i have been getting busy, we all know what kinda "busy" we are talking about here. The answer is natta, zero, nothing, no, nop, i don't know whta you are talkin' about. I just didnt have have anything on my mind to blog about, sue me.

Okay, so we all have those nights when the alarm goes off and we curse, threaten to break the alarm clock against a wall, wishing we didn't have to wake up, for me, it's not because i still wanna enjoy my sleep, i get frustrated when the alarm turns into a noisy bitch right in the middle of a romantic dream when you are running right into the arms of that fine man you only dream of, that is the moment you see my crazy when i start hitting the clock with a pillow, then i ask God why he just had to do that, like really God? It's bad enough you denied me the chance of a a perfectly good man in real life, you deny me one in my dreams too?

Then the next night you get another dream that you are rich and you are dwelling in money, this is the time that am broke and i have to bite my nails because i can't afford food. In the morning the "bitch" goes off on me and i wake up in my bed when i had just been dreaming about dining with Beyonce and Jay Z, am like really God, you couldn't just let me have this one? hold on to the time for a few before releasing it, just let me eat something? these are my special crazy morning moments with God,,, nothing can change that.

I know that all these don't have a thing to do with me or you being single but i hope you get the point. Sometimes i wanna go to bed and never wake up, simply because my dreams are cozier than my real life. I don't wanna be dead so shut your mouth, i just don't wanna log off from that dream.